I’m realizing that the more I blog, as infrequent as it is, the more I keep sharing my spiritual epiphanies. This blog was suppose to be about random stuff, but it keeps getting personal for some reason. *shrugs*
Over the past year, I’ve been looking for a job. Not just a job actually, more like a career opportunity. I already have a job, but it’s not enough to live on and when you got grown woman bills, $10/hr can only go but so far. Recently i got a call from a recruiter from a staffing agencies. After speaking with her last Wednesday, it sounded like this would be a great opportunity. So we set up an appointment to meet on Friday. Well I got up that Friday morning, excited, encouraged and ready to put my best foot forward. I left the house early so I could get there fifteen minutes early and time enough to find the place in Miami. Without going into too much detail (I probably should have vlogged this post) everything that could go wrong…went wrong. I was driving around in circles for 2 hours. My GPS kept sending me the wrong place, which was quite unusual because I NEVER have problems with my GPS…NEVER. I called the office to let them know i was lost and didn’t know where i was. The receptionist tried to help me plugging the cross streets i gave her so she could guide me to the office. Wouldn’t you know her computer shut down right in front of her? In fact, all the computer systems shut down at that very moment. At this point i was sweating bullets and ready to spit flames. I tried my GPS again which only made matters much worse. I was more lost than I was before. I pulled over and called the recruiter to let her know that we should cancel the interview because i couldn’t find the place and i was so angry that I didn’t want to bring that energy to the interview. She was kind and understanding of my dilemma. When I hung up the phone, I cried and screamed so hard. My lungs felt like it was coming out of my chest. After about five minutes of sobbing, i lifted my head only to see a light flashing on my car saying that my tire pressure was low. I got out of the car only to find the right front tire completely to the ground. Now I was on fire. I got back in my car and began screaming and yelling at God. I was so angry at Him. I haven’t been this angry with God since my troubled marriage which was 10 years ago. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?? YOU’RE THE ONE IN CONTROL!!! ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF WATCHING ME GO THROUGH THIS CRAP?!?!??” To matters even worse, it started raining. A storm was on the way. I’m sitting there like WTF! Eventually two gentlemen pulled over to help me with the tire and although it took me two hours to get back home…i got home safely.
It took me all weekend to calm down from being angry with God. I’ve heard people say, “Praise Him and thank Him when you’re in the storm”. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t do that nor was i in the mood. It wasn’t until this morning that I thanked Him for what happened on Friday. Now, I didn’t thank Him with glee (just being honest) but I thanked Him with the understanding that He allowed all those obstacles to take place because He didn’t want me to miss out on what’s really waiting for me around the corner or He was preventing me from something that would have destroyed me. I don’t know. Only time will tell.
As i was on my knees talking to Him this morning about everything and why i felt the way I did, it occurred to me that I have soooooo many resources available to me to “create” my own opportunity. Why am i not doing it? Fear. Laziness. Unmotivated. Then I thought, “Tash, by your allowing fear, laziness and being unmotivated, you quite possibly could be blocking somebody else’s blessing.” I’m so busy focusing on what i want and how i want things to go that i forgot that blessings are not meant to be hoarded. Blessings are to be shared. I’m blessed with amazing gifts and talents (some i haven’t even discovered yet) to help somebody else realize their potential or bless them in some other way. I’m reminded that it’s not about me. I’m on this earth for a purpose that is not JUST about me.
I always say that “nothing happens by accident”. I was too busy being angry at God over the weekend that I forgot my own mantra. Everything that happened on Friday was not a surprise. He knew. Maybe all of that needed to happen so I could come to the realization this morning that every resource available to me is in front of me and I’m wasting time with it and ultimately blocking somebody’s blessing. I could be waaaaay off base here, but I’ll go with it.
Boy oh boy…i tell you…this relationship i have with God is so real to me. Just like in any relationship…you get mad, you need to cool off and apologies end up happening. SMH. (sorry…i digress)
I’m not gonna tell you that I’m gonna get off my tail and hop to it because i’ve said that before to myself and i’m still in the same place. I’m just gonna DO.