Hold up…wait a minute…

IMG_2972.JPG

Soooooo right about now, I should be on the operating table. Right?!?! NOPE! I am writing this post from the comfort of my bedroom.

Yesterday at work I was getting calls from my doctor’s office regarding the status of my surgery approval. It turns out that my insurance has not approved my surgery yet. When I called them yesterday, they said it typically takes 15 days to approve. Although my doctor’s office requested to put a rush on it since Friday, it hasn’t been approved yet.

Here’s the thing, not only does pushing things back puts a clinch in my financial situation, but my recovery time runs into a trip I’m taking in November. My doctor is giving me 6 weeks for recovery time. That time could potentially run into my trip.

Welp…right now everything is on “pause”. It’s funny. When I got this piece of news, I was a little disappointed. At the same time it didn’t surprise me. God is teaching me something here. I MUST understand that He is in control of EVERYTHING. He is teaching me that I MUST trust Him…not my finances, not my job, not my insurance…just HIM. None of this came as a surprise to Him….none of it. Everything is working according to His plan. And so I wait…

Back to work today!

Advertisements

I’m about to go through it…

Unknown

Y’all! I’m about to go through it! If you read my previous posts, then you know that God and I have this interesting relationship. It’s like a real human one. Sometimes I don’t talk to Him if I’m mad. I giggle to myself when I think about how much He loves me. I cry sometimes when I think about the sacrifice He made just so I can be here. I yell at Him sometimes too when I think He’s ignoring me, not responding, or when I feel like I’m a sitting duck. Even through allllllllll that, He loves so very much. He loves me enough to let me go through my junk so I can come out stronger on the other side which is progressively turning me into the woman He designed me to be. The best part is I’m NOT going through this alone. Yup…He’s with me.

So dig this. Oh wait…before I go on…I finished my first module of my TEFL certification course. WHOOP WHOOP!!! I ain’t playing. Okay. So i’m scheduled to have a surgery on Wednesday. When my doctor and I talked 2 weeks ago she said I have the option of choosing one out of the 3 hospitals to have this surgery. One of them was actually close to where I currently live. So I chose there. I went home and told my parents the hospital where I will be having this surgery and my mom flipped out. You see, this particular hospital has the WORST reputation in town…meaning…you check in but you don’t check out. I promptly told my mom, “What is the point of us praying and claiming that we believe a GOD who can do all things if we’re freaking out about a hospital that NOBODY likes?” She calmed right down and said you’re right. Funny thing is a couple days later my mom’s comment got to me and I called my doctor asking to be switched to another hospital. They said they would try. Welp…today I got the call that the hospital i wanted is completely booked and so was my alternative. The ONLY hospital available was the one that NOBODY likes and has the worst reputation. So I said, “Well you know what? I trust my doctor so it’s cool.” A few minutes after I hung up the phone as I was driving, I heard, “No. You need to trust ME.” All I could do was shake my head in agreement.

Oh! It gets better. After my surgery I will be out of work for a month recovering per doctor’s instructions. I talked with my supervisor about it and he said i needed to talk with HR about FMLA so I can get paid while on sick leave. I talked with HR today and they sent me the paperwork via email. I opened the email and started reading and I saw in bold letters “UNPAID” while on medical leave. Yup. Ya see I’ve only been with my company full-time for less than 12 months so I’m not eligible for FMLA. *sigh* All i can say was, “Man. I”m about to go through it.” Check this out. Not working for 30 days without pay means, the following things will suffer; car note, car insurance, Sallie Mae, phone bill, a few debts i’m trying to pay off…shall I go on? Whew!

Ladies and gentlemen, I have not choice but to trust God. I don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to toss it out of. I told myself…hell…i’m still telling myself that I CAN NOT WORRY ABOUT THIS. I have to trust God. During my recovery process, it will do me no good to worry and stress out about my financial situation and plus i need to focus anyway to continue doing my modules so i can pass this TEFL certification LIKE A BOSS!

Yeah…i’m about to go through it, but i won’t be going through it alone. I have to trust Him. I have to be still and know that He is God. Period. Something tells me He’s gonna show out too. I’ll be on here blogging a little more keeping you guys updated. I’ve given Facebook a break. It was needed.

Keep me prayed up. I’m gonna need it on so many levels. LOL

It’s crunch time!

IMG_2960.JPG

I just registered for my TEFL Online certification course. Last night I had a little bit of a meltdown, but today is a new day. I’m one step closer to changing my life. It’s crunch time because the company that I work with is moving to an area of Miami that is too far for me. They are making that move mid-November. It is imperative for me to finish this course and get job placement before then, but it depends on my consistency. Pray for me…whomever is reading this. I’m not happy with the current status of my life and something has GOT to change. I’m taking steps to make that change and this is it. I can’t afford to drive to Miami like that everyday nor do I want to. There are 13 modules in this course. I’m gonna start module 1 today. It’s raining today so instead of watching Netflix, I’ll be working on getting my certification. Here we go…

I’ve been thinking…I’ve been thinking…

Hello there! Sitting at the edge of my bed and decided to post something. As the title says, “I’ve been thinking…I’ve been thing…” not what you probably think if you’re a Beyoncé fan. I’ve been seriously thinking about seeking employment elsewhere…elsewhere meaning…leaving the country. Yup! I’ve been looking for a job for over a year and as time goes by, bills are mounting and i’m not getting interviews. I’m looking for more in my life. I’m looking for more than just a new and better paying job…I’m looking for a new experience overall. For the past three years my brother has been in my ear about teaching English abroad. I don’t know anything about teaching, but at this point what do I have to lose. Living in a whole other country will open my eyes to so many things plus I’ll get a chance to travel and see the world. I’ve been researching, talking to friends who are currently living overseas, and praying. Welp, I’ve made my decision and I’m gonna do it. I’m going to start my TEFL (teaching English as a foreign language) certification on Friday. It will be an online course and I’m nervous and excited. I don’t know where I’ll end up. I could be in South Korea, Japan, Costa Rica, UAE or my dream location…Italy next year. It’s time for something new. If you want changes in your life, then you gotta make moves.

IMG_2956.PNG

Don’t Really Know What To Call This Post…

I’m realizing that the more I blog, as infrequent as it is, the more I keep sharing my spiritual epiphanies. This blog was suppose to be about random stuff, but it keeps getting personal for some reason. *shrugs*

Over the past year, I’ve been looking for a job. Not just a job actually, more like a career opportunity. I already have a job, but it’s not enough to live on and when you got grown woman bills, $10/hr can only go but so far. Recently i got a call from a recruiter from a staffing agencies. After speaking with her last Wednesday, it sounded like this would be a great opportunity. So we set up an appointment to meet on Friday. Well I got up that Friday morning, excited, encouraged and ready to put my best foot forward. I left the house early so I could get there fifteen minutes early and time enough to find the place in Miami. Without going into too much detail (I probably should have vlogged this post) everything that could go wrong…went wrong. I was driving around in circles for 2 hours. My GPS kept sending me the wrong place, which was quite unusual because I NEVER have problems with my GPS…NEVER. I called the office to let them know i was lost and didn’t know where i was. The receptionist tried to help me plugging the cross streets i gave her so she could guide me to the office. Wouldn’t you know her computer shut down right in front of her? In fact, all the computer systems shut down at that very moment. At this point i was sweating bullets and ready to spit flames. I tried my GPS again which only made matters much worse. I was more lost than I was before. I pulled over and called the recruiter to let her know that we should cancel the interview because i couldn’t find the place and i was so angry that I didn’t want to bring that energy to the interview. She was kind and understanding of my dilemma. When I hung up the phone, I cried and screamed so hard. My lungs felt like it was coming out of my chest. After about five minutes of sobbing, i lifted my head only to see a light flashing on my car saying that my tire pressure was low. I got out of the car only to find the right front tire completely to the ground. Now I was on fire. I got back in my car and began screaming and yelling at God. I was so angry at Him. I haven’t been this angry with God since my troubled marriage which was 10 years ago. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?? YOU’RE THE ONE IN CONTROL!!! ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF WATCHING ME GO THROUGH THIS CRAP?!?!??”  To matters even worse, it started raining. A storm was on the way. I’m sitting there like WTF! Eventually two gentlemen pulled over to help me with the tire and although it took me two hours to get back home…i got home safely. 

It took me all weekend to calm down from being angry with God. I’ve heard people say, “Praise Him and thank Him when you’re in the storm”. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t do that nor was i in the mood. It wasn’t until this morning that I thanked Him for what happened on Friday. Now, I didn’t thank Him with glee (just being honest) but I thanked Him with the understanding that He allowed all those obstacles to take place because He didn’t want me to miss out on what’s really waiting for me around the corner or He was preventing me from something that would have destroyed me. I don’t know. Only time will tell. 

As i was on my knees talking to Him this morning about everything and why i felt the way I did, it occurred to me that I have soooooo many resources available to me to “create” my own opportunity. Why am i not doing it? Fear. Laziness. Unmotivated. Then I thought, “Tash, by your allowing fear, laziness and being unmotivated, you quite possibly could be blocking somebody else’s blessing.” I’m so busy focusing on what i want and how i want things to go that i forgot that blessings are not meant to be hoarded. Blessings are to be shared. I’m blessed with amazing gifts and talents (some i haven’t even discovered yet) to help somebody else realize their potential or bless them in some other way. I’m reminded that it’s not about me. I’m on this earth for a purpose that is not JUST about me. 

I always say that “nothing happens by accident”. I was too busy being angry at God over the weekend that I forgot my own mantra. Everything that happened on Friday was not a surprise. He knew. Maybe all of that needed to happen so I could come to the realization this morning that every resource available to me is in front of me and I’m wasting time with it and ultimately blocking somebody’s blessing. I could be waaaaay off base here, but I’ll go with it.  

Boy oh boy…i tell you…this relationship i have with God is so real to me. Just like in any relationship…you get mad, you need to cool off and apologies end up happening. SMH. (sorry…i digress)

I’m not gonna tell you that I’m gonna get off my tail and hop to it because i’ve said that before to myself and i’m still in the same place. I’m just gonna DO. 

Two Posts in One…

Greetings follower(s)!

You know…when I started blogging again the whole idea was to share my thoughts about any and everything. It seems every time I write something, it always turns out being about my spiritual walk. I can’t help it and I’m not going to apologize for it.  My life…good and bad decisions and everything in between… is one big fat spiritual journey.  I’m up in age and I’m trying to figure this thing out called life and LIVE it to the fullest and best.

I have two things I wanna share that have overwhelmed my thoughts recently. Hence, the title of this post ;-).  So allow me to share and feel free to comment too.

In my relationship with God…it’s very unique. It’s different and most times inconsistent…on my end. (hey…at least i’m honest) One thing is for sure though…in the last couple years I’ve been keenly aware of when He’s showing me something about US (me and Him). It’s usually quite humbling.  Yesterday I was rudely awaken by my mother. You know the feeling when you just get into the zone of REM and then BOOM! Yeah. Needless to say I was not a good sport about it. Anyhoo…I got up and took her where she needed to go. Eventually a friendly encounter in the parking lot of Burlington Coat Factory helped lighten my mood. After my mom and I got what she needed, we got into the car to head back home. Now on our way to the store, I noticed that traffic was building up to the ridiculous. When we got in the car I notice that the two usual routes I would take to get us back home was jammed pack with cars in so many directions. So immediately I went into creative-traffic-free-route-home mode. While I’m driving the unavoidable conversation went something like this:

Mom: “Why are you going this way?”

Me: “Mom, there’s traffic backed up for miles going that way and the other way.”

Mom: *silence…not for long and then she starts up again* “You’re wasting gas. Why are you making all these turns? I don’t even know where I am right now.”

Me: *silent and trying to hold my tongue*

Mom: “Ugh! We could have been home by now.”

Me: *in the most respectful tone I could muster* “Mom. There are cars jammed packed up and down Oakland and 441. We would still be standing in traffic.” (*in my head* “…standing in traffic in the heat and my car has no A/C so you MOST DEFINITELY will be complaining more than you are right now.”)

Mom: “Whateverrr”

Me: *really???*

Y’all I kid you not. In that very moment. I saw me and God. There have been soooooo many times when I’ve asked Him, “Why am I in this job? Why didn’t this relationship work? Why am I living here? This doesn’t make sense Lord…Ugh!”  When all the while God saw ahead of what I couldn’t see.  I wanted so desperately to tell my mother to please shut up and just ride, but we all know that wouldn’t have gone over well. LOL! I wondered if God has ever said, “Tash, please shut up and let me drive.”  So often I complain or find something wrong with the process of whatever it is i’m going through when all the while…all He wants me to do is trust Him and trust the process. smh

Okay…onto my second post. Today was such a BEAUTIFUL day and I had brunch at Panera. I had my purse in one hand and my Bible in the other hand. I’d plan to eat and have some one-on-one time with Jesus. As I got my order and sat down at my little round table, a middle-aged white gentleman came close to me and said, “Hello. Have a nice day…okay?” Of course I responded with a smile, “Hello! Thank you! You too!”

I finished my brunch and proceeded with my reading.  After a while, I walked out and headed towards my car to leave. The gentleman saw me again and went out of his way to say, “Enjoy the rest of your day and God bless!” and of course I responded with a smile, “I will! You do the same!”  Right then I thought…”Would he have gone out of his way to speak to me if I wasn’t carrying my Bible?” I’m assuming he too was a Christian. I found it interesting that I was identified, in his mind, as a Christian because I was carrying one of the most recognizable symbols of Christianity in my hand. Hmmmm. Now…one thing about me…I love when people greet me with enthusiasm because for the most part I do the same thing. Truth be told…it’s a greater feeling when you recognize other believers outside of the one place we all mostly congregate. But as I kept analyzing the brief exchange…it felt like we were in on a little secret that was unbeknownst to the rest of the guests at Panera. Are we suppose to be a light for ALL to see or just amongst ourselves? Hmmm. Shouldn’t we be just as joyful and pleasant in greeting folk even if they don’t appear to LOOK like what we THINK a Christian should look like? It got me wondering, what kind of aura do I give off without the visible symbol of a Christian (i.e. Bible, cross necklace, T-shirt that says “I’m a Christian) that let’s people know I’m a believer? Aren’t we suppose to be known by our fruits? (check out Galatians 5:22,23) Is it even possible to recognize these types of fruits in a brief exchange? Logic tells me that the more time you spend in the Word with Christ…something is suppose to be different about you and your demeanor. Think about it. It’s easy to spot someone in love…well at least it’s easy for me to spot. You know that person has been spending time and enjoying getting to know the other person. What’s the word? Glowing? Yeah…that’s it. LOL! And this happens before they even get an engagement ring…the universal symbol of someone in a relationship or in love. Shouldn’t the same be true when we are Christians? The kind that spend time with Jesus?

Welp…those are my thoughts for today. That’s all I got. LOL!

An Unusual Surprise

This year, I’ve had some pretty cool surprises. However, the one that really caught me off guard actually took place at work. I work part time at an elementary school as a 5th grade tutor. I signed up to be a reading tutor, but somehow I end up tutoring math. I HATE MATH. That’s not the surprise though. For years, I was pretty certain that I didn’t like being around kids. Although, I’m with these kids M-F for a few hours a day, I find myself looking forward to hanging out with these “crumb snatchers”. LOL…yeah…that’s the surprise. Some of them really tap dance on my last nerve, and some even make me down right angry. But I get angry at some of them when they won’t try their best or when they’re disrespectful to their 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Lancaster. That woman loves them sooooooo much and she is the bomb at math. I wish I had her as my math teacher when I was coming up. Maybe I would have had a better math experience.

God has a really quirky sense of humor when He’s answering my prayers. I’ve been praying for patience and he’s using these kids…some of them a down right pain in my ars…as tools to help me with my patience. Example…there’s a kid named Jorden…he’s sitting next to me right now as I type this…HE HAS ADHD!!! Really God??? But you know what?  I love Jorden! That kid is ridiculously smart and he makes me laugh so hard (on the inside) and we share a great appreciation for Fat Albert and the Gang. That’s my buddy. I just need to help him stay focused. Pray for him though…I don’t know how he’s gonna make in middle school. He really has a hard time staying focused.

Yeah. I like being around these kids. I think about doing fun and creative things with them and for them all the time. Whenever I have a few dollars left, I bring them donuts or snacks, but only if their not acting crazy. I refuse to reward bad behavior.

Tomorrow is their last day at school, then they go on Christmas break. God-willing, I’ll see them next year. What they don’t know is that I’m going to surprise them with a pizza party. Yeah. They’ll like that.  

Oh well…isht happens!

Hey guys! Yeah yeah yeah…I know I was suppose to be doing this daily Q&A blog, but I’ve totally fallen off. Truth is…the more I asked people to pose for a photo after answering my question, the hard it got for them to say yes. Doing this type of blog became uninteresting for me eventually. Hey! I’m a sanguine (look it up…it’s one of the 4 quadraints of the brain and sanguine is my primary quadraint) I get bored quickly. I’ve even had a couple of you ask, “Hey Tash! What happened to your blog? I miss it.” I attempted to start it up again, but…

So there it is. The purpose was to prove to myself that I can start something and see it through to the end. Maybe I failed at this one thing, but I’m not a failure. I’ve learnd it depends on what it is that i’m working on determines whether I finish to the end. You know? Maybe I should have started this blog by posting once a week or once a month or just whenever the mood hit me. I swallowed waaaaay more than I could chew with this little project. *shrugs*

Q34. Is there a cause or charity that you are passionate about? If so, what is it and why?

Location: Abercrombie

“My name is Jessica. I like Make A Wish Foundation. I love that there is an opportunity to make a wish come true for a kid that will make them feel special even if it’s for that one day. Those kids, in most cases, have a limited time to live. To be able to see them smile for that one day…to me…I love it! My Aunt died of cancer and I can associate with that. I believe Make A Wish is a wonderful foundation.”

20120323-143247.jpg

Q33. What is your take on the Trayvon Martin case and what are you doing to speak out against this senseless tragedy?

Location: Florida

About 250 miles from where I live nearly a month, an unarmed African-American teenager was shot to death last month by a neighborhood watch captain.

Trayvon was killed when he was returning to a gated community in Sanford, Fla., from buying candy at a convenience store. He did not have a weapon, the Associated Press reports.

The neighborhood watch captain, George Zimmerman, hasn’t been charged in the shooting of Martin, and has said he shot the teen in self-defense.

According to a report in the Wall Street Journal, civil-rights activists and some lawmakers say race played a role in the killing and that the Sanford Police Department mishandled its investigation of the incident. They are also furious that Mr. Zimmerman hasn’t been arrested or even charged with anything.

The nation is in an uproar. In various parts of the country communities are speaking out, protesting by wearing hoodies, posting pictures of hoodie wearers on Facebook, etc to show their support for the injustice of a young life that was cut short due to the suspicion of his appearance.

Today Miami Carol City High students planned a “walk-out” during their lunch break in support of Trayvon Martin.
Here’s what one sophomore participating in the march had to say, “We thought we would get justice for Trayvon, and an arrest has to be made.”

20120322-142708.jpg